Today pretty much marks my first full month of joining the "real" world. After years of being a full time student (and spending a few months as a house bound slacker...haha) I entered the job market with freshly minted diploma and resume in hand, thinking that I'll find a great job in no time.

This wasn't the case...I graduated during a recession, which generally translates that few employers are hiring for "nice" positions. It was a tough grind, going through the motions of posting my resume, setting up an interview, actually doing the interview. Then a whole lot of waiting afterwards. I tried a couple of entry level positions at well established companies and I wasn't chosen. Later I tried a small upstart company that seemed promising based on their website and job posting....what a mistake that was. Let's just say I wasted a whole day in front of a major discount store watching my "trainer" sell baseball ticket coupons to shoppers going in and out of the store....not exactly my idea when they said "sports marketing."

Anyway, I finally landed a job. It's not my dream job, but  I consider myself lucky to get it. It's not the easiest job in the world, nor is it extremely hard (though can be stressful during busy times). There are many things to like about this job. My supervisor pretty much lets me have free reign on what I do as long as stuff gets done and I get a pretty big work area to myself.

So do I like working? In short, yea I do. Unlike school when I come home, I don't have to worry about homework....but I do miss being a slacker at times. Then again, when I see my paychecks, all of my efforts are worth it.

Brace yourselves...this is an entry that is bordering on EMO...you've been warned so if you complain about this don't say I didn't tell you ahead of time. Stop here if you like. But here I go...

Funny how certain things have been working out in my life. I've never really much luck in the Love department...I mean I get along with women just fine, I can even say I'm liked...but it's more like a "brother" type relationship.  That sucks...because it's just plain wrong to date a sibling, so in essence, that means I've got no shot. I've never really had a girlfriend per se, but you can say I've experienced what it was like to actually be in love. To be honest that was a wonderful feeling and a memory that I probably will not forget. The two of us certainly connected, but there was a problem...we had a barrier between the two of us...the Pacific Ocean.  At first I thought "they" were wrong that long distance relationships don't work...but after a while I began to think the same way.  There was something missing...to be honest, it was physical interaction (no I'm not talking about THAT kind of physical interaction...), I mean there's no replacing the fact I cannot see her facial expressions, the tone of her voice, or the caress of her hand.  Adding to the fact we grew apart (yes even in cyberspace it happens) and we reverted being friends once more. 

After that experience, I vowed never to get into that type of relationship again. As nice as it was, there was a hollow empty feeling too.  Apparently, I don't seem to take my own words into account...because I think I've fallen again.

A couple of weeks ago, I don't know why, but I felt empty. Maybe it was because I saw my good friend get married and seeing the look of happiness on her face. I began to think, it might be nice to actually have a special someone.  Okay, being in a relationship has its drawbacks and what not, but I guess I want to experience being special to someone other than a family member.  So I began combing around to see if I could finally find that "someone" with no real luck.  Dejected I resorted to a chat program and I met an interesting lady.  She had nearly all the qualities that I liked...she was witty, charming, intelligent, funny, and cute...but there was a catch...again, she lives an ocean away from me.  Cheesy as it sounds, the Savage Garden song "I Knew I Loved You" came into my head and hasn't been leaving since.  But I thought "not again"...why must I be tormented like this? I must have done something diabolical in a past life for me to be punished this way.

Rather than seeing this as punishment, it might be a blessing. This has inspired me, I will do everything in my power to earn enough money to go and visit her in person one day...hopefully she'll still be waiting for me on the other side...you never know.

*Side note: one of my cousins actually met her husband through an online relationship...he was from Norway and she was in the Philippines at the time and she's been living happily with a baby on the way...thinking about it, I guess nothing's impossible

It's been a while since I wrote here on Xanga, so excuse my rusty writing.

While sitting through several of my classes in the last couple of semesters, many thoughts came across my mind...besides the usual, "damn...this class isn't over yet." 

College the most part has not been what I imagined it to be. In the past, I had this image that college was this world of knowledge just waiting to be absorbed and it would enlighten me in many different ways. To be honest, the actual experience has not lived up to my expectations.

In actuality, I see college as nothing more than a way to earn more money. Most people only really go is to have that monetary earning edge over non-college grads. This is really sad in my view. I think the old spirit of learning for personal enrichment is now gone in today's world of material desires.

In all honesty, I could be accused of this since I'm studying a major that I don't have my heart in...but that's the sad truth of today's world...I'm pretty much forced to study this in order to guarantee my future survival in this world of consumerism. If I had my way, I'd study history, literature, photography, or some form of fine art...but alas, I can't.

So, I'm pretty much drudging my way through my remaining classes in order to obtain a tiny piece of paper that in all truth, doesn't really mean all that much (an employer probably won't even give it a second glance)...that piece of paper will not be truly special to me, I've earned it yes...but is it an achievement I can be proud of?